All posts by CarmineB

About CarmineB

I am the Gentleman Misogynist

I Write Smut

Erotica, Writing, ,

 

Yes… I write smut.

I take the English language and use it to tell tales of lust, debauchery, extra-marital, pre-marital and non-marital coitus.

I fabricate stories about people satisfying their basic, physical, needs in many exciting, graphic, sometimes nasty, and glorious ways.  Demonstrating examples of people’s kinks, fantasies and desires.

Personally… I see no problem with this.  I am exercising a part of my mind that exists in us all.  I am simply putting onto a document something that almost all of us think about from time to time, though we may not always admit it to others.   But it is there.

You… reading this post, whomever you might be.  Think about the times you looked at that women in the office, the one with the nice tits and firm ass.  You cannot tell me that you have not thought at least once about tapping that.  About what it would be like to meet her in the copy room and get her up against the machine from behind, raise her skirt and take care of business right there, quick enough so that you try to lower the risk of getting caught, but slow enough so that you both enjoy it.

Women… I KNOW that some of you think the same way.  In my conversations with women, I have found that some of you have just as dirty a mind as we guys do.  You see that new guy in the office, and imagine him doing to you what I just described above.  Or that new gal in the office that you would love to seduce, or satisfy that curiosity that lies deep in your subconscious.

We all, well… almost all,  have that kinky, sexually charged, side.   The one that we keep inside and don’t think we can share.

Fact is… we can and we should.  I think it is healthy to share these dirty stories and fantasies.  To put them out there to let others read and see that they are not alone in their mildly perverse ways.

So that is what I do.  I write smut… I channel fantasies to the written word.  I bring your darkest, sexiest, dirtiest thoughts out so that we can all get a little bit of excitement out of it.

 

Happy Reading.

Dildo of the Dead

WTF???, , ,
Image credit goes to http://www.marksturkenboom.com/works/21-grams/

I have seen a lot of pretty strange things in my life, but I have to admit that while this one will not “take the cake”, it sure deserves a pretty big slice of it.

 

Apparently you can purchase a dildo that is made to contain the remains of the one you love in it.  So whether we are talking about your husband Bob, Sparky the Dog, Muffy the muff-diving cat… whatever the hell your fancy is… you can put the remains in this thing and go to town.

So I have to ask… who is so caught up in the loss of a loved one that they are distraught enough to think it is going to help them out my shoving said lost love up their twat (or ass, to be fair to my male homosexual readers.)?

I am sorry.  I am sure that there are people out there that think that some thing like this is perfectly fine.  Probably the same people that think that think the Flesh light and pocket pussy are a great idea.

I am a pretty open-minded guy and I can accept that the loss of a loved one would be hard on you, I have lost many a friend myself.  But of all the people I know, and all the women I have had the pleasure to be with over these years, there are none of them that I could think of that I would want to have in a sex toy.

Something just does not FEEL right with that… and yes… pun intended.

 

Photo Credit: NYC Porn Film Festival

Miley Cyrus…

Celebrities, Sex,

OK… So I will admit it.

Miley Cyrus is certainly not a woman I would kick out of bed.   She is in a long list of women that I would not mind hopping in the sack with, but not necessarily like to wake up with.

Yes, I guess that makes me a “MAN”, as one of my bar friends tells me when I talk with her.  We talk about things like this often.  What kind of man she likes, what kind of women I like.  We banter each other about things like this all the time and I always have to reminder her that my interest in women is, for the sake of this article, professional reasons, as I like to write about them and my experiences with them.

My friend, I will call her Christy for now, but she might remind you more of a prettier Rachel Rae, who likes to smoke cigars and drink scotch, and I both agree that Miley is a looker.  Great body, looks like she would be a tiger in bed and might give you a ride that you would remember for some time.  But we both agree, as well, that along with that body would probably come the baggage of a grade-A prima donna.  But Christy, whom has never ADMITTED to being interested in women, and will probably hit me in the head when she reads this, agrees that a night rollicking in a hotel room in the heated, passionate, filthy exchange of bodily fluids with Miley, might be fun.

As long as she and her baggage were gone the next morning.

 

Tattoos on women

Uncategorized

 

If you were to ask me, when I was much  younger, what I thought of tattoos on women, I would have told you I hate them.  At the time I was brought up and in the household I was raised in, tattoos were taboo and only something you saw on men and if you saw one on a woman, it meant that she was nothing short of slutty trailer trash that slept around.

Fast forward many years and see how my opinion has changed on this… and a lot.

I like tattoos, within reason.  Some tattoos on men and women are nice.  One of two, here or there, tastefully placed, can be nice to see.   I do even enjoy looking at the stories that men’s tattoos tell about them, but I prefer to look at the tattoos that women have.

One of the examples of women I think look good, in part, with their tats is Kat Von D.  While I think many of the tattoos she has complements her, I have an issue with the ones that she has on her hands and face.  These are both parts of her body that I think, in my opinion, are lovely without the ink.  She should have left those alone.  The same with a woman’s chest, breasts are great, most of the time when I am looking at a woman’s boobs, I am not wanting to see ink around or on them.

I still recall seeing a women, not personally, that had a daisy tattooed around each nipple, so that the nipple itself was the center of the daisy.   How does someone even do that?  As a guy, my nipples are sensitive enough, I cannot even IMAGINE was it was like for her to get those tattoos, unless the pain was something that she was into.

Now, another problem I have with tattoos, and I think there are many that will share this one with me, is names, silly slogans or foul language.   I can understand if you had a loved one that passed away and you want to remember them with a little tat on your shoulder or arm to pay homage to them.  I can accept that if there was something major, like a war you served in, that you want to recall, maybe even with the names of a few buddies you lost.   But girlfriends, pictures of Roy Orbison, a picture of an rear-end with your belly button being the asshole… seriously.

I have to admit that I have no tattoos at all.  This is by choice, though I think that one day I may make the move and get one.  Something small and out of the way, that will not draw a lot of attention to myself.  Something that can be covered up.

The Duckface Phenomenon

Foolish Behavior, Women

 

DuckfaceAt what point in photographic history did someone look at a woman and say, “No, Baby… stick your lips out further…  No… Further…   No, Like you are trying to suck up a piece of spaghetti.   Yeah… that’s it.”

I am pretty sure that what I said above were words that were never spoken in the effort to illicit the beauty of the “Duck Face”. But we know it had to start somewhere and at some point someone must have thought it was sexy, though I cannot see how.

When I look at a woman’s lips when she does that, the only thing that goes through my mind is that I am looking at something that has a vague resemblance to an asshole and that there really is nothing remotely attractive about it.

What is your opinion of people that do this?

 

What do you look for in your company?

Bars, Women

 

When I venture into a venue and when I am looking for someone to hook up with, or even just sit down to strike up a conversation with,  there are certain things I look for in a woman.  Things that trigger not only a “Turn-on” effect in me, but also an “you are really interesting” effect.

I am particularly picky about women.  Yes, I do like the aesthetic aspect… a good looking woman can be important, but what use is a really hot looking lady if, when you sit down and talk to them, they remind you of Fran Drescher from that silly Nanny program that was on some time ago?  Looks can be important, but I think the mind can be so much sexier.

You can sit at a table with someone you just met and like, and spend five minutes learning how irritating they can be, as in the Fran example above, or you can have several drinks with a woman that knows how to have a conversation, knows what she is talking about and then, if you decide to woo her away to your bed, and she says no… you still walk away like you have not lost anything, because the talk was worth it.

I especially like women that can talk sex.  Not the blatantly dirty stuff, anyone can do that, but the mildly suggestive discussions that are more hint and innuendo than anything else.  Mildly suggestive hints that let you know what each other likes, before you ever get to the bedroom.

But it does not have to be about sex.  I like people that can talk and be enjoyable to be around.  I typically look for people within ten years, plus or minus, of my age.  This range makes sure that there is enough in common to talk about and enough difference to make things interesting.  If the dialogue does lead to other things, then all the better, but it is certainly not the only goal I am looking for.

So what draws you to people?  What do you look for?

Sex and the period… Just a thought.

Safe Sex, Sex, Women,

This is not a full post, I am just thinking aloud with this one.

I would like to see how many men out there (or women, for the lesbian readers I might have) have an issue with menstrual sex.

I have no problem with it as long as SHE is ok with it.  I mean there are certain acts I will not perform, mainly the dining experience, but most of the rest I have no issue with.

I have met some women that are seriously against it, and others that seem to be more aroused and active when they are on their period.

So just a thought and a request for comments from anyone out there that might have input.

Dressing the part

Bars, Clothing, , ,

 

Is it just me, or have men lost touch with the idea that women still like a well dressed man?

So I am sitting in a nice lounge on Marion Street, enjoying a couple drinks when I see a group of guys walk in.  I have been at this long enough to know when the wolves are on the hunt, and they were hunting.  But two of them looked like they had just left a gym and forgot to change and the other two looked like they were wearing their pants “sagging” and they were white.  It looks silly enough on non-whites, and it looks absolutely ridiculous on these guys.

So as the night wears on, they make their plays on a few women, and to their credit, they appeared to be polite enough, but they were rejected. Eventually they left, maybe in search of a more “hip-hop” style of pub where they would not look so foolish.

The point of this particular rant, however, is to point out that, for the most part I find that women still like a man that knows how to dress.  I am not saying show up to the bar in a tuxedo, or you will still be a stand-out, and not in the good way, more like the Dumb and Dumber way… unless there is a function at said pub that requires the tux.  I mean just dress nice for the place you are going.  If you are going to a country and western theme bar, wear nice jeans, a good shirt and tennis shoes or boots.  If you are going to the kind of places that I like, wear a dress shirt, no tie, slacks and nice shoes, comfortable ones in case dancing breaks out and you need to hit the floor.

Just think about it before you go.  Look the part, look like you want to be there and you belong there.  If you dress good, smell good and present yourself the right way, you can own the place and own the moment if you find yourself with the right, and receptive, woman.

After I wrote the above, I started thinking that some of what I just said could also apply to those of you reading that might frequent the gay bars, but not being a regular at any of them (I have been to a gay bar twice for friend’s parties in the last fifteen years), I could not tell you for sure if the same rules apply as for my kind of places.  If you happen to be a member of the LGBT community and reading this, you are more than welcome to chime in and offer your input.

But for the final thought, guys… keep us looking good for the ladies out there.  They will appreciate it and as an observer, so will I.

 

Bar Etiquette

One-Nighters, Taverns and Canteens

 

I spend my fair share of time in bars and I see a lot of interesting things.  Bars are incredible places, because you can see a fascinating crosssection of humanity there.

Now, just to be sure we understand, I do not go to bars only for the intent of finding someone to take home with me that night, or to a hotel, if they do not strike me as the kind of person that I want to know where I live.  Though I have done my fair share of that.  That being said, I do consider myself a bit of a bar connoisseur, and am rather picky about the type of place I find myself in.

I like a bar that caters to the working-class person and the white-collar class equally.  A place where you can see an oilfield worker, businessman and a student at the bar, talking about nothing in general or everything in specific, but there is no sign that their respective class is preventing them from getting along.

Add to the above, a good mix of regular women that also like to hang out, drink and maybe play some bar-games.  Throw in a little casual flirting and you have yourself a grade-A bar.  The women do not even have to be great looking, just have a fun personality and be easy to talk to and get along with.  In spite of what you may think about me, I am not always going into a bar to get action.  Sometimes spending the evening with a group of guys and gals, talking about politics and the economy, can be fun.  If one of the women happens to give me eyes now and again, then that is even better.  It does not even have to lead to anything.

There is a certain amount of flirting that I think is expected in bars.  So guys, be on notice, if you take your date, or even your wife, to a bar… expect her to be flirted with and whether you like to admit it or not, or believe it or not, when you are not paying attention, she is probably flirting back.  It’s the nature of the game and of bar politics.  Don’t fight the flirting, just let it happen.  You should only get concerned if the person flirting with your gal comes over and makes a move, and then you should only be REALLY concerned if your gal gets up and takes him up on the offer.

Also… if that happens, it does not mean anything other than maybe YOU are doing something wrong.  If you are treating her with the respect and attention that they are worth, they will not abandon you.  So if it happens, you better start looking for the problem by finding the nearest mirror.

Men… when you are in a bar and you start flirting with a woman, and it looks like she is taking your bait, don’t pull that cutesy bullshit of coyly flirting.  If she is responding, it’s like fishing.  The hook is set, now start reeling her in, but be causual and cool about it.  Like with fishing, if you try too hard, you might lose her.  If you look too desparate, she may pull away.  Even if you have not “gotten any” for the last year, don’t telegraph that to her through your actions or moves.

Another thing I have learned…  Stay away from the young ones.  By young I mean the ones that look like they are in the 21 to 25 year range.  These ones always seem to be looking for something that they are not finding.  They are hot, they can be sexy and have a lot of energy, but they seem easily distracted.  I always shoot for the 30+ year olds, and yes… if they are married, even better.  If they are happily married and looking  for some fun, that is the best.  No commitment beyond showing them a great time for that night.

Whatever you do, though, try not to create any ill feelings for bad vibes in the bars that you frequent.  It is OK of you have a little reputation as a guy who likes the women and treats them good, but if you start building the WRONG type of reputation, you will not see any action.  In some cases, as I have seen in one of the places I still frequent, the bartender may even get involved and ask you to just stop showing up.

But understand, above all, that not every woman that is going into a bar is looking for action.  Like us guys, they sometimes just want to go someplace and get a drink and maybe little conversation.  If you pick up on that, talk to her, share stories, but let her do control the direction of the situation.  Women are people too and sometimes need a place to go and just unload.  Respect that and you may win the respect of other women in the place.

Good Hunting.