Bar Etiquette


I spend my fair share of time in bars and I see a lot of interesting things.  Bars are incredible places, because you can see a fascinating crosssection of humanity there.

Now, just to be sure we understand, I do not go to bars only for the intent of finding someone to take home with me that night, or to a hotel, if they do not strike me as the kind of person that I want to know where I live.  Though I have done my fair share of that.  That being said, I do consider myself a bit of a bar connoisseur, and am rather picky about the type of place I find myself in.

I like a bar that caters to the working-class person and the white-collar class equally.  A place where you can see an oilfield worker, businessman and a student at the bar, talking about nothing in general or everything in specific, but there is no sign that their respective class is preventing them from getting along.

Add to the above, a good mix of regular women that also like to hang out, drink and maybe play some bar-games.  Throw in a little casual flirting and you have yourself a grade-A bar.  The women do not even have to be great looking, just have a fun personality and be easy to talk to and get along with.  In spite of what you may think about me, I am not always going into a bar to get action.  Sometimes spending the evening with a group of guys and gals, talking about politics and the economy, can be fun.  If one of the women happens to give me eyes now and again, then that is even better.  It does not even have to lead to anything.

There is a certain amount of flirting that I think is expected in bars.  So guys, be on notice, if you take your date, or even your wife, to a bar… expect her to be flirted with and whether you like to admit it or not, or believe it or not, when you are not paying attention, she is probably flirting back.  It’s the nature of the game and of bar politics.  Don’t fight the flirting, just let it happen.  You should only get concerned if the person flirting with your gal comes over and makes a move, and then you should only be REALLY concerned if your gal gets up and takes him up on the offer.

Also… if that happens, it does not mean anything other than maybe YOU are doing something wrong.  If you are treating her with the respect and attention that they are worth, they will not abandon you.  So if it happens, you better start looking for the problem by finding the nearest mirror.

Men… when you are in a bar and you start flirting with a woman, and it looks like she is taking your bait, don’t pull that cutesy bullshit of coyly flirting.  If she is responding, it’s like fishing.  The hook is set, now start reeling her in, but be causual and cool about it.  Like with fishing, if you try too hard, you might lose her.  If you look too desparate, she may pull away.  Even if you have not “gotten any” for the last year, don’t telegraph that to her through your actions or moves.

Another thing I have learned…  Stay away from the young ones.  By young I mean the ones that look like they are in the 21 to 25 year range.  These ones always seem to be looking for something that they are not finding.  They are hot, they can be sexy and have a lot of energy, but they seem easily distracted.  I always shoot for the 30+ year olds, and yes… if they are married, even better.  If they are happily married and looking  for some fun, that is the best.  No commitment beyond showing them a great time for that night.

Whatever you do, though, try not to create any ill feelings for bad vibes in the bars that you frequent.  It is OK of you have a little reputation as a guy who likes the women and treats them good, but if you start building the WRONG type of reputation, you will not see any action.  In some cases, as I have seen in one of the places I still frequent, the bartender may even get involved and ask you to just stop showing up.

But understand, above all, that not every woman that is going into a bar is looking for action.  Like us guys, they sometimes just want to go someplace and get a drink and maybe little conversation.  If you pick up on that, talk to her, share stories, but let her do control the direction of the situation.  Women are people too and sometimes need a place to go and just unload.  Respect that and you may win the respect of other women in the place.

Good Hunting.

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